Free Friends Forum 31: Let Us NOT Blame Either Parents or Children—Go Upstream to Childhood Abuse/Neglect Trauma as the Cause of Intergenerational Transmission of Human Violence
Peaceful Parenting as the Only Way To a Peaceful Planet
TUPAC EXPLAINS THUG LIFE. BringD Pain, June 11, 2007, 0:19
"BATTLE BABIES:" THE STORY OF THE 99TH INFANTRY DIVISION
“To be a member of the 99th Division is an honor. In years to come, men who wear the Checkerboard patch will recall May 8, 1945, the day Nazi Germany surrendered unconditionally, as the climax to the titanic European struggle of World War II. Proudly they can recall their individual efforts. The Battle Babies were in on the kill.” https://www.lonesentry.com/gi_stories_booklets/99thinfantry/index.html
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JACK TO PERPLEXITY AI
Give me references on generational blame in the U.S. for parents and their children. Are there historical generations or periods where the “disobedient” children are more blamed for their alleged “misbehavior” or “troubled childhood” versus other periods where “authoritarian” or “permissive” parents are blamed for their children’s alleged “misbehavior” or “troubled childhood”?
PERPLEXITY AI ANSWER
Generational blame is a recurring theme in U.S. history, with both parents and children being targets of criticism at different times. While there isn't a clear-cut pattern of blame shifting exclusively to one group or the other, there are periods where certain generations faced more scrutiny.
In recent years, Baby Boomers have faced significant criticism for their perceived impact on younger generations. Bruce Gibney, in his book "A Generation of Sociopaths: How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America," argues that Boomers have committed "generational plunder," pillaging the nation's economy and leaving future generations to clean up the mess[1]. This represents a shift towards blaming the parent generation for the challenges faced by their children.
Conversely, there have been periods where younger generations were more heavily criticized. The 1960s and 1970s saw a significant focus on "disobedient" youth, particularly during the countercultural movement[6]. This era was marked by concerns about moral decay and resistance to change from older generations.
However, it's important to note that generational blame is often an oversimplification of complex social issues. Many experts argue against the validity of generational stereotypes altogether. The New Yorker points out that the concept of distinct generations with shared characteristics is a relatively new idea and may not accurately reflect reality[7].
Furthermore, the cycle of older generations criticizing younger ones is a pattern that has repeated throughout history. From ancient Greeks lamenting the perceived moral decay among youth to modern concerns about technology and work ethic, each era witnesses elders expressing concerns about the values and behaviors of their successors[6].
In conclusion, while there have been shifts in who receives more blame at different times, the phenomenon of generational blame itself is a constant. It's a reflection of cultural evolution and the challenges inherent in bridging the gap between different phases of life and societal progress[6].
Citations:
[1] https://www.vox.com/2017/12/20/16772670/baby-boomers-millennials-congress-debt
[2] https://theconversation.com/blaming-the-baby-boomers-does-todays-young-people-no-favours-46281
[3] https://www.afterpsychotherapy.com/the-narcissistic-mother/
[4] https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/06/boomers-are-blame-aging-america/592336/
[5] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7471586/
[6] https://arapahoelibraries.org/blogs/post/generational-blame-a-brief-history/
[7] https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/10/18/its-time-to-stop-talking-about-generations
[8] https://www.aarp.org/politics-society/advocacy/info-2014/the-generation-war.html
RELATED (go to link below to read the other AI responses to these five additional sub-topics)
How did the baby boomers' economic policies impact future generation
Are there specific historical events that led to generational blame in the U.S
How do different generations perceive parental responsibility for their children's behavior
Perceptions of parental responsibility for children's behavior have evolved across generations, with notable shifts in attitudes and approaches to parenting.
## Generational Shifts in Parental Responsibility
### Older Generations
Older generations, particularly those parenting in the 1970s, tended to attribute children's outcomes more to innate characteristics and destiny rather than parental influence. A father from this era expressed the view that "the nature of children is innately determined. Worm is born to be worm; dragon is born to be dragon"[2]. This fatalistic orientation placed less emphasis on parental responsibility for children's long-term outcomes.
### Younger Generations
In contrast, younger generations of parents, particularly Millennials and Gen Z, demonstrate a stronger sense of parental responsibility:
1. They believe parents should be held accountable for both short-term and long-term outcomes of their children[2].
2. There's a growing anxiety among younger-generation parents about their adequacy in providing proper parenting[2].
3. Younger parents exhibit a stronger awareness of their parental role and push themselves harder to fulfill their responsibilities[2].
## Changing Parenting Styles and Practices
The evolution of parenting styles reflects changing perceptions of responsibility:
1. Baby Boomer parents tended to use a more authoritarian style[4].
2. Gen X parents swung towards a more permissive approach[4].
3. Current generations are adopting a more balanced approach, combining affection with boundaries[4].
Research shows a cross-generational trend towards increased parental warmth and decreased strictness[3]. Parents are now using more affection and reasoning but less indifference, while reducing practices like revoking privileges, verbal scolding, and physical punishment[3].
## Perceptions of Child Behavior
Some observers note a shift in how child behavior is perceived and managed:
1. Gen Z parents are seen by some as being too lenient, potentially swinging too far in addressing past traumas without passing them on to their kids[1].
2. There's a perception that some parents are no longer teaching their children the word "no," leading to a lack of boundaries[1].
3. Some parents are perceived as excusing their children's actions by attributing them to labels, considering this a valid reason for misconduct[1].
## Societal Changes Influencing Parental Responsibility
Several factors have contributed to changing perceptions of parental responsibility:
1. Increased awareness of child development issues due to access to information online[4].
2. Shift towards two-income households, changing expectations for both mothers and fathers in childrearing[4].
3. Heightened focus on child safety, leading to practices like "helicopter parenting"[4].
4. Emergence of "Tiger parenting," emphasizing academic success through an authoritarian approach[4].
In conclusion, while older generations tended to view children's outcomes as largely predetermined, younger generations of parents feel a much greater sense of responsibility for their children's behavior and future success. This shift has led to both positive changes, such as increased parental warmth, and potential challenges, like parental anxiety and overcompensation in some cases.
Citations: [1] https://www.buzzfeed.com/scarymouse/millennial-gen-z-parents-complaints-problems-parenting [2] https://www.ijssh.org/vol9/988-AP0028.pdf [3] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7602436/ [4] https://mccrindle.com.au/article/topic/generation-alpha/changing-parenting-styles-for-generation-alpha/ [5] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2766356/ [6]https://coevolution.fas.harvard.edu/files/culture_cognition_coevol_lab/files/zhou_yiu_wu_greenfield_2017_perception_of_cross-generational_differences_in_child_behavior_and_parent_socialization-_a_mixed-method_interview_study_with_grandmothers_in_china.pdf [7]https://www.researchgate.net/publication/272714433_The_Transmission_of_Parenting_Behaviour_Within_the_Family_An_Empirical_Study_Across_Three_Generations [8] https://www.jstor.org/stable/3333834
Answer from Perplexity: pplx.ai/share
What are some examples of generational blame in other countries
Generational blame is not unique to the United States; it's a phenomenon observed in various countries around the world. Here are some examples of generational blame in other countries:
1. United Kingdom: The Brexit vote in 2016 sparked significant generational tensions. Younger generations, who predominantly voted to remain in the EU, blamed older generations for voting to leave, perceiving it as a decision that would negatively impact their future opportunities[3].
2. Australia: There's an ongoing debate about housing affordability, with younger Australians blaming Baby Boomers for driving up property prices and making homeownership increasingly difficult for subsequent generations[6].
3. Canada: Intergenerational tensions have been observed, with younger Canadians expressing frustration over issues such as the housing market, job security, and environmental concerns. They often attribute these problems to policies and decisions made by older generations[5].
4. European Union: During the COVID-19 pandemic, there was a noticeable increase in generational blame across European countries. Some proposed a "corona tax" on older persons, while age-specific measures implemented by certain European countries fueled ageist attitudes affecting both young and older people[2].
5. China: While not exactly blame, there's a generational divide known as the "lying flat" movement, where younger Chinese are rejecting the hard-working ethos of their parents' generation, leading to criticism from older generations about work ethic and ambition.
These examples demonstrate that generational blame is a global phenomenon, often exacerbated by economic challenges, political decisions, and societal changes. However, it's important to note that such blame games oversimplify complex issues and mask the profound differences within generations[3]. Experts argue that this intergenerational conflict often distracts from broader systemic issues affecting people across all age groups.
Citations: [1] https://arapahoelibraries.org/blogs/post/generational-blame-a-brief-history/ [2] https://www.euractiv.com/section/politics/opinion/lets-stop-playing-the-covid-19-generation-blame-game/ [3] https://theconversation.com/why-we-keep-playing-the-generation-blame-game-and-why-we-need-to-stop-82219 [4] https://www.vox.com/2017/12/20/16772670/baby-boomers-millennials-congress-debt [5] https://macleans.ca/culture/inside-the-corrosive-new-generational-blame-game/ [6] https://www.news.com.au/finance/economy/australian-economy/the-big-problem-with-blaming-boomers-for-everything-thats-wrong-with-the-world/news-story/4c9e9300e26709269d6413394c24e841 [7] https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctvhrcxvg
Answer from Perplexity: pplx.ai/share
How has the media influenced public perception of generational blame
https://www.perplexity.ai/search/give-me-references-on-generati-pwyA1MH.TNuilAHg9RrXag
MIKE MALES is a fellow Substacker who publishes often on this theme of Parent/Child Blame taking the side of blaming the Parents and going against the Mainstream who tend to blame the Social Media and out of control children. Here is a recent post by him on this topic:
BY DENYING THE CRUCIAL ISSUE OF DOMESTIC ABUSE, THE ANTI-SOCIAL-MEDIA CRUSADE NOW ENDANGERS CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS. Mike Males Jan 31, 2025
Jean Twenge denies it. Jonathan Haidt won’t talk about it. Yet, CDC surveys and analyses clearly show parents' and adults' abuses and troubles are by far the biggest drivers of teens’ depression.
Here is a review of Mike’s 1997 book “THE SCAPEGOAT GENERATION” by a Psychohistorian taking the view of Lloyd deMause on Child Abuse/Neglect being the cause of Human Violence.
ARE YOU NOW OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A CHILD? Robert Godwin, The Journal of Psychohistory V. 25, N. 2, Fall 1997 A review of “The Scapegoat Generation: America's War on Adolescents” by Mike A. Males
“After completing the book, I was puzzled as to why it seemed of so little use to psychohistorians despite the promising title. In the end, I was forced to conclude that Males is so instinctively committed to a liberal agenda of salvation by economics alone, that he is unable to transcend the polarized but mutually supporting planks of left and right, or righteous victim and malevolent oppressor. Most psychohistorians would probably agree that the histrionic debate between left and right (certainly during the last two decades) is a noisy diversion that allows us to feel good about our side while projecting the bad elsewhere, a psychological exercise that leaves the fate of children relatively unaffected.
“[Males] cannot see child abuse as an independent historical variable, one that is surely influenced by other factors, but independent nonetheless.
“About mid-book he momentarily deviates from his agenda and offers two insights, 1) that "Screwed-up kids have even more screwed-up parents," and 2) that "Screwed-up parents often beat, abuse, abandon, serve as rotten role models for, and otherwise mistreat their kids, producing screwed-up kids." If only the remainder of the book were informed by such understated psychohistorical insight.”
THE UPSTREAM SOLUTION TO PREVENT CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT. Positive Childhood Alliance North Carolina, Dec 9, 2016. 2:40
LLOYD DEMAUSE. Patrick McEvoy-Halston, June 7, 2007. 1:12
Brief recording of lloyd demause explaining that all wars are fought for irrational reasons.
A RARE INTERVIEW OF LLOYD DEMAUSE
LLOYD DEMAUSE - HISTORY OF CHILD ABUSE. Touch the Future, March 5, 2024. 33:22
10 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES. Msdcener, April 4, 2019 1:00:20
Childhood trauma is a critical public health issue. Referred to as Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), ACEs are stressful and traumatic events, such as abuse or neglect, that have been linked to poor life-long health outcomes. As the number of ACEs increases, so does the likelihood for developing chronic diseases like diabetes, heart disease and cancer as well as risky health behaviors; low life potential; and, early death. During this presentation, attendees will be introduced to ACE’s, the impact they have on health, and what can be done to overcome them.
WHY WE KEEP PLAYING THE GENERATION BLAME GAME … AND WHY WE NEED TO STOP. The Conversation, Aug 17, 2017.
Successive generations’ healthy disregard of the previous generation’s tastes, habits and customs is a necessary ingredient of human progress. But there is something about the current carving up of the population into ever smaller generational slices of entitlement and opprobrium – from baby boomers and Generation X to millennials and Generation Z – that borders on unhealthy obsession. Part of this is a growing awareness of a “shift in the demographic map”.
This is particularly marked in the northern Hemisphere and is accompanied by other profound social, economic and cultural changes – rising economic prosperity and inequality and insecurity, declining political support for state organised welfare, shifts in the make-up of family, decreased deference to hierarchy. Together these challenge how we live, work, consume, and care for and support each other.
Generational roles and expectations can no longer be taken for granted and we are no longer certain about where we stand in the emerging order. Anxieties abound – and projecting these onto imprecise categories of “age others” bolsters a vague sense of shared injustice among those of a certain age – and provides “generations” with another age group to blame. What this generation blame game misses, however, are the ways in which these dubious generational categories mask the profound differences between the people swept into them. https://theconversation.com/why-we-keep-playing-the-generation-blame-game-and-why-we-need-to-stop-82219
HEARTBROKEN PARENTS: ARE YOU TO BLAME FOR YOUR ADULT CHILDREN’S PROBLEMS (OR ESTRANGEMENT)? Done With the Crying, by Sheri McGregor, June 18, 2022
To a heartbroken parent driving to a neighboring town in the U.S., the message of this billboard hit like a punch in the gut. The “effective counseling” it advertises comes across as one-sided and pandering. This can’t be healthy (can it?).
Thousands of heartbroken parents tell me their adult children blame them for their every problem. Yet even I was shocked at this billboard. It’s a bald-faced presentation of something I also hear often: That, when it comes to family estrangement (and more specifically, parent-and-adult-child estrangement) our culture, and even some therapists, are part of the problem.
“We live in crazy times,” said the mother who saw this offensive billboard a few weeks ago. She hasn’t spoken to her son in four years, nor seen the sweet grandchild with whom she’d previously bonded. She isn’t the only heartbroken parent to conclude, “Society is supporting these adult children to reject us parents.” https://www.rejectedparents.net/heartbroken-parents-to-blame/
GENERATIONAL BLAME: A BRIEF HISTORY. Jan 8, 2024 (This one from the Perplexity references)
The phenomenon of adults blaming the younger generation is a recurring, and exhausting, theme throughout history, reflecting the perennial generation gap and societal changes. From the ancient Greeks lamenting the perceived moral decay among youth to the countercultural clashes of the 1960s, each era witnesses elders expressing concerns about the values and behaviors of their successors. Often rooted in a combination of nostalgia for the past and a resistance to change, this intergenerational tension manifests in critiques of everything from fashion and music to technology and work ethic. While the criticisms may vary, the pattern remains consistent—a cycle of generational blame that is both a reflection of cultural evolution and a reminder of the challenges inherent in bridging the gap between different phases of life and societal progress. https://arapahoelibraries.org/blogs/post/generational-blame-a-brief-history/
EVERYONE PINS GEN Z ANXIETY ON PARENTS — BUT WE'RE NOT THE ONES TO BLAME Oct 25, 2024
A friend recently called me in tears: Her son, a freshman in college, was having panic attacks. “It’s all my fault!” she sobbed. Her rationale: She let him sleep in her bed as an infant when he cried, so it must be causing him separation anxiety today. At least that’s what the articles she Googled on teens and anxiety said.
I understand why she feels at fault. The media likes to point a finger at moms and dads (mostly moms) for the fact that Gen Z is the most stressed generation of all. Every mother I know has read Jonathan Haidt’s 2024 bestseller, “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.” In it, the social psychologist asserts that parents are too lax in letting kids use social media but are hyper-protective about their real life. We parent “in defend mode,” he writes, seeing risks and threats everywhere. His 2018 book, “The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure,” goes even further: It accuses parents of raising kids in a safety bubble and setting them up for failure. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/everyone-pins-gen-z-anxiety-on-parents-but-were-not-to-blame_l_6711433de4b0cbb63967ba52
THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND GENERATIONAL CONFLICT Jan 2020
Complaining about the young is a longstanding prerogative of the old; just as baby boomers and Gen X’ers today lament the shortcomings of millennials and Gen Z, parents in the 1920s looked askance at their flapper daughters, the mothers of pre-revolutionary France pooh-poohed their “effeminate” sons, and so on back to the fourth century B.C. and Aristotle, who said of Greece’s young people: “They think they know everything, and are always quite sure about it.”
Now, some 2,500 years later, researchers are offering a pair of psychological explanations for this recurring complaint, or what they call the “kids these days effect.” In studies involving 3,458 Americans ages 33 to 51 recruited and evaluated online, John Protzko and Jonathan Schooler of the University of California, Santa Barbara, measured respondents’ authoritarian tendencies, intelligence and enthusiasm for reading. “While people may believe in a general decline,” the researchers observed in the journal Science Advances, “they also believe that children are especially deficient on the traits in which they happen to excel.”
Authoritarian people, it turns out, are more likely to suspect that today’s youth are lacking in respect for authority, while well-read people are more likely to bemoan that kids these days never seem to be reading. More intelligent people are also more likely to say that young people are getting stupider—a remarkable conviction, given decades of rising intelligence domestically and globally. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/psychology-behind-generation-gap-180973731/
KIDS THESE DAYS: WHY THE YOUTH OF TODAY SEEM LACKING. Oct 16, 2019
In five preregistered studies, we assess people’s tendency to believe “kids these days” are deficient relative to those of previous generations. Across three traits, American adults (N = 3458; Mage = 33 to 51 years) believe today’s youth are in decline; however, these perceptions are associated with people’s standing on those traits. Authoritarian people especially think youth are less respectful of their elders, intelligent people especially think youth are less intelligent, and well-read people especially think youth enjoy reading less. These beliefs are not predicted by irrelevant traits. Two mechanisms contribute to humanity’s perennial tendency to denigrate kids: a person-specific tendency to notice the limitations of others where one excels and a memory bias projecting one’s current qualities onto the youth of the past. When observing current children, we compare our biased memory to the present and a decline appears. This may explain why the kids these days effect has been happening for millennia. https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.aav5916
THE GENERATION MYTH. Global Affairs, King's College London, Juen 14, 2022. 1:19:32
Boomers are narcissists. Millennials are spoiled. Gen Zers are lazy. We assume people born around the same time have basically the same values. It makes for good headlines, but is it true? Bobby Duffy has spent years studying generational distinctions. The Generation Myth is based on an analysis of what over three million people really think about homeownership, sex, well-being, and more, Duffy offers a new model for understanding how generations form, how they shape societies, and why generational differences aren’t as sharp as we think.
THINKING GENERATIONS. JONATHAN WHITE (2013) British Journal of Sociology, 64 (2). pp. 216-247.
Abstract Often, and increasingly, social and political life is narrated using the concept of generation. This article looks at contemporary expressions of ‘generationalism’ in British public life. It identifies the salient themes which emerge, links these to the social and political contexts in which these ideas are produced, and examines the points where they are vulnerable to critique. Bridging science and normativity, the generational view offers a convenient master-narrative for a variety of political orientations – yet one whose democratic credentials are doubtful.
HOW NOT TO BRING PEACEFUL PARENTING TO A WORLD TRAUMATIZED BY CHILD ABUSE/NEGLECT
HOW TO GET KIDS TO LISTEN | 5 MINUTE VIDEO. PragerU, June 12, 2017. 4:50
Why is it so hard for so many parents and teachers to get kids to do as they are told? Because too many adults have followed some very bad advice. Family psychologist John Rosemond offers some useful tips on how to get the little barbarians to listen.
Rosemond 2:58 “He’s going to ask Why? or Why not? At which point… get ready for a big surprise… your answer should be “Because I said so.”
HOW TO BRING PEACEFUL PARENTING TO A WORLD TRAUMATIZED BY CHILD ABUSE/NEGLECT
WHAT IS PARENT EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING, AND HOW TO USE IT Newsweek, Aug 09, 2024 By Daniella Gray
Parenting can be one of life's most rewarding yet challenging roles, and getting the balance between guidance, empathy and structure is no easy feat.
A program that promises to build healthy family relationships is Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.), an evidence-based approach to teaching practical skills for parents to use in all situations and dilemmas.
We've answered all your FAQs on Parent Effectiveness Training, and how to use it for parents seeking a positive and collaborative household.
What is Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.)?
Parent Effectiveness Training is a communication-based parenting program developed by award-winning psychologist and three-time Nobel Peace Prize nominee Dr. Thomas Gordon in 1962.
The program focuses on building healthy, respectful relationships between parents and their children through effective communication and conflict-resolution skills.
"At its core, P.E.T. is based on the belief that children do not 'misbehave' but rather behave in ways that satisfy their immediate needs," explains P.E.T. master trainer Meike Lemmens.
https://www.newsweek.com/what-parenting-effectiveness-training-1913790
DR. THOMAS GORDON ON PARENT EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING - A SHIFT AWAY FROM POWER AND CONTROL. ParentEffectivenessTraining, June 14, 2017. 1:09
“For a relationship to change in any significant way, he who holds the power must change. Why are children the last ones to be protected against the potential evils of power and authority? Is it that they are smaller, or that adults find it so much easier to rationalize the use of power with such notions as 'Father knows best' or 'It's for their own good'? My own conviction is that as more people begin to understand power and authority more completely and accept its use as unethical, more parents will apply those understandings to adult-child relationships; will begin to feel that it is just as immoral in those relationships; and then will be forced to search for creative new nonpower methods that all adults can use with children and youth." Thomas Gordon, Parent Effectiveness Training
HOW COME SOME PARENTS RESIST PARENT EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING? Gordon Training International, April 9, 2019 by Dr. Thomas Gordon
Few professionals would disagree that parents and teachers need first to see some alternatives that really work before they’ll give up the idea that kids must be disciplined. And, with few exceptions, they will need some kind of practice before they feel competent enough to use these more effective non-punitive methods and skills. Yet there is still widespread resistance among parents and teachers to the idea of “taking a course” to become more effective at these jobs.
The notion of achieving greater parent effectiveness through special training flies in the face of many traditional views about parenthood. For as long as I can remember, when parents have encountered minor difficulties in rearing their children, they have blamed their troubles on the child.
Rarely have parents of such children asked whether the problem of their children might have something to do with their own ineffective parenting methods. So when serious breakdowns in the parent-child relationship occur, parents first think about taking the child someplace to be fixed up”counseled,” “adjusted,” “disciplined,” or “straightened out.”
Most parents likewise blame changes in our society for their family problems: ubiquitous television, the breakdown of authority, the availability of drugs, the disappearance of the extended family, the increase in the divorce rate, lack of child care, the questioning of basic moral values, increasing affluence, and so on.
Such traditional thinking has tended to divert parents from the idea that their own lack of skill in parenting could be the most significant factor in bringing on problems with their children. https://www.gordontraining.com/parenting/come-parents-resist-parent-effectiveness-training/
WHAT IS PARENT EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING (P.E.T.)? - Childhood Education Zone, Jan 9, 2025. 2:33
What Is Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.)? In this informative video, we will introduce you to Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.), a program designed to assist parents in building strong and positive relationships with their children. We will cover the key skills taught in P.E.T., including Active Listening, which helps parents truly understand their children's feelings and thoughts. You'll learn about the importance of I-Messages, a technique that allows parents to express their needs without blaming or judging their children. Additionally, we will discuss the No-Lose Conflict Resolution method, which guides parents in finding solutions that benefit everyone involved. You’ll also discover the Behavior Window, a visual tool that helps parents identify who owns the problem in various situations. Throughout the video, we will explain how P.E.T. classes are structured, including engaging activities such as role-playing and group discussions. By the end, you'll see how this program equips parents with the necessary skills to manage conflicts effectively and communicate openly with their children.
P.E.T. Across Generations - with Melissa LaPlant, certified P.E.T. Instructor. ParentEffectivenessTraining, April 6, 2023. 9:16
WHO’S HELPING THE PARENTS?
Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon Chapter 1
“Everybody blames parents for the troubles of youth and for the troubles that young people appear to be causing society. It's all the fault of parents, mental health experts lament, after examining the frightening statistics on the rapidly increasing number of children and youth who develop serious or crippling emotional problems, who become victims of drug addiction, or commit suicide. Political leaders and law-enforcement officials blame parents for raising a generation of ingrates, rebels, protesters, hippies, peace demonstrators, and draft-card burners. And when kids fail in school or become hopeless drop-outs, teachers and school administrators claim that the parents are at fault. Yet who is helping parents? How much effort is being made to assist parents to become more effective in raising children? Where can parents learn what they are doing wrong and what they might do differently? Parents are blamed, but not trained.” https://www.gordontraining.com/parenting/whos-helping-the-parents/
DR. THOMAS GORDON ON CREATING PEACEMAKERS THROUGH PARENT EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING. ParentEffectivenessTraining, June 13, 2017. 1:15
TIGER MOTHER AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING IN CHINA
TIGER PARENTING Wikipedia
Tiger parenting is a form of strict parenting, whereby parents are highly invested in ensuring their children's success. Specifically, tiger parents push their children to attain high levels of academic achievement or success in high-status extracurricular activities such as music or sports.[1] The term "tiger mother" ("tiger mom") was brought to public attention by Yale Law School professor Amy Chua in her 2011 memoir Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.[2][3][4][5][6][7]
The rise of Chua's memoir brought the tiger parent phenomenon into the American mainstream during the 2010s. Chua's concept and term "tiger parent" spawned numerous caricatures while also becoming the inspiration for the 2014–2015 Singaporean TV show Tiger Mum, the 2015 mainland Chinese drama Tiger Mom, and the 2017 Hong Kong series Tiger Mom Blues. The stereotype is a Chinese mother who relentlessly drives her child to study hard, without regard for the child's social and emotional development. The notion of a "tiger parent" is analogous to other authoritarian parenting stereotypes, such as the American stage mother, the Japanese kyōiku mama, and the Jewish mother. Other similar or related terms include helicopter parent, monster parents, and Hong Kong Kids phenomenon.
Tiger parents' emphasis on academics has been portrayed as abuse in Western society,[21] but is seen as acceptable by many Asian parents.[22][23] In a series of interviews with fifty Chinese mothers on the differences between Chinese and US parenting styles, mothers said that Chinese parents use “strict discipline and firm control to ensure that their children act or behave according to their parents’ wishes” and that Chinese parents commonly “use comparative words [to remind the child that] you are not as good as others, you need to catch up.”[24] Many have described their traditions as including physical and emotional closeness that ensures a lifelong bond between parent and child, as well as establishing parental authority and child obedience through discipline.[25]
BOY IN CHINA SCHOOLS MUM ON HER ‘TIGER’ MOTHER PARENTING. Todayonline, Feb 20, 2023. 2:25
A video of a first-grade student from southeastern China has gone viral on Chinese social media for the boy's impassioned monologue about his "fierce tiger" mother's temper and parenting style.
WHY CHINESE ‘TIGER MOMS’ ARE EXTREMELY CONTROLLING. Science Atlas, June 9, 2021
Are all Asian-heritage parents “Tiger Parents”?. This article dispels some stereotypical, monolithic notions of Asian-heritage parenting by offering a more nuanced and accurate perspective so that readers can see beyond the myth of the tiger mother. https://science-atlas.com/culture/why-chinese-tiger-moms-are-extremely-controlling/
TIGER PARENTING | VIDEO | SBS VOICES. SBS On Demand, Sept 16, 2020. 2:17
Asian parents tell us what they think are the pros and cons of tiger parenting.
BEING A TIGER MOTHER - AMY CHUA, Part 1. National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS), June 2, 2012
Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, Professor at Yale Law School, and NAIS Annual Conference 2012 speaker, discusses supporting your child.
BATTLE HYMN OF THE TIGER MOTHER by Amy Chua
An awe-inspiring, often hilarious, and unerringly honest story of one mother's exercise in extreme parenting, revealing the rewards-and the costs-of raising her children the Chinese way.
All decent parents want to do what's best for their children. What Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother reveals is that the Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that. Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions and providing a nurturing environment. The Chinese believe that the best way to protect your children is by preparing them for the future and arming them with skills, strong work habits, and inner confidence. Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother chronicles Chua's iron-willed decision to raise her daughters, Sophia and Lulu, her way-the Chinese way-and the remarkable results her choice inspires. https://www.amazon.com/Battle-Hymn-Tiger-Mother-Chua/dp/1594202842
UNTIGERING: PEACEFUL PARENTING FOR THE DECONSTRUCTING TIGER PARENT by Iris Chen, 2021
In Untigering, Iris Chen shares her journey of leaving behind authoritarian tiger parenting to embrace a respectful, relational way of raising children. As a Chinese American mom, she draws from her experiences of living in both North America and Asia and offers insights and practices to:
· Heal from your childhood wounds
· Change your beliefs about yourself and your children
· Parent through connection instead of control
· Redefine your understanding of success
· Navigate and challenge cultural norms
Iris calls for a radical shift from parenting that is rooted in power to one that is grounded in partnership, but she does so with humor, humility, and empathy. This book is her invitation to you to begin your own journey of transformation as a parent. www.amazon.com/Untigering-Peaceful-Parenting-Deconstructing-Parent/dp/1736825402
FROM TIGER MOM TO UNSCHOOLER: DECOLONISING EDUCATION THROUGH SELF-DIRECTED LEARNING. Progressive Education, Nov 30, 2024. 1:24:05
Iris Chen is an unschooling mother, certified parenting coach, and founder of the Untigering movement. When her authoritarian attempts to raise obedient and high-achieving children only led to years of tears, tantrums, and conflict, she knew something had to change… and it wasn’t her children. Through her writing and speaking, Iris now shares her healing journey of shifting from power-over to power-with in her relationship with her children. Her mission is to inspire generational and cultural transformation through conscious parenting, self-directed learning, and #decolonization, especially among Asian communities. You can read more about her adventures in her book "Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent" and on her blog at untigering.com
UNTIGERING—ADVENTURES OF A DECONSTRUCTING TIGER MOTHER
UNTIGERING is a global movement of cycle breakers who are committed to the practice of peaceful parenting and self-directed education — honoring, respecting, and trusting in the inherent dignity and rights of children as human beings.
Together, we are unlearning and dismantling the ways of tiger parenting (with its roots in authoritarianism, domination, fear, and trauma), particularly within the cultural context of Asian families.
The vision of UNTIGERING is to inspire intergenerational & cultural transformation through parenting practices grounded in anti-oppression, decolonization, nonviolence, and personal & communal healing.
We imagine a future of collective liberation for us all!
Welcome! https://untigering.com
